Scripture Text: 1 John 4:7-21
Memory Verse: He who does not love does not know God, for God is love. 1 John 4:8
Lesson Aim: To explain the first two of the five love languages, recognize how God speaks them and how we can use them to express our love to God and our families.
Key Points - Love is not love until it is expressed. - Words of affirmation are one of the key ways that people express love. - To express love through quality time requires focused attention.
Love, wonderful love. One of the definitions for love given in Webster’s New Collegiate Dictionary is “the unselfish loyal and benevolent concern for the good of another.” We have heard it said that love is not love until it is expressed. Hence, our ability to give and receive love is often hindered because we are not good at expressing our love to one another. This can be true with our families, our church brethren and people in general. However, if we become skilled at expressing our love to God and to our families, it will be easier to practice the same skills at church and in society at large.
Most people are not aware of the languages of love. Hence, our ability to speak in the different love languages to God or other people is limited. When we do not speak the same love language, or we do not hear love in our language, we feel unloved.
Dr. Gary Chapman defines the five love languages as follows: (1) words of affirmation; (2) quality time; (3) gifts; (4) acts of service; and (5) physical touch.[1] God is love and the expert at speaking the languages of love and their many dialects. Since we are created in His image, we are capable of understanding and speaking these languages as well.
How can we discover our primary love language? Dr. Chapman suggests you ask yourself three questions: (1) How do I most often express love to other people. It is likely that the way you express love to others is the way you expect to receive love. (2) What do I complain about most often? Your complaints will likely reveal your inner emotional needs. (3) What do I request most often? Typically, we request from others the things that would meet our needs. As you answer these three questions, you will likely discover your primary love language. Let us start by looking at the first two of the five love languages.
One of the key ways people express love is through words of affirmation. Words of affirmation include compliments, words of thanks, gratitude and appreciation. There are literally thousands of ways to say nice things to people. Affirmations may focus on a person’s behavior, personality, skills or physical appearance. The words may be spoken, written or even sung. To those people whose primary love language is words of affirmation, hearing love this way is like rain on dry ground.
The God of the Bible is the God who speaks. The Bible is filled with God’s encouraging words. He affirms the value of man and His love toward us. In the New Testament, the words of Jesus also reflect God affirming His unconditional love toward us. Those whose primary love language is words of affirmation usually have no problem vocalizing their praise to God. Our task is to learn how to speak this language fluently to our family members and other people.
Another way to express love is through quality time. Quality time is giving someone your undivided attention. It is a deep communication of love because when you give quality time you are giving away a part of your life. It also includes quality conversation and quality activities. Expressing love through quality time works for spouses, young children, teens, parents and anybody else.
God desires to spend time with us. After all, eternity is His idea. However, we cannot spend eternity with Him unless we spend time with Him now. Throughout Scripture He invites us to “come”. He promises to never leave us nor forsake us and He sent the Comforter to be with us. Those whose primary love language is quality time probably have no difficulty spending time with God in prayer, meditation or studying the Scriptures. However, we are again challenged to learn to speak this language as fluently with our family members.
[1] Gary Chapman, The Love Languages of God. (Chicago, Illinois: Northfield Publishing, 2002), 25-27.
Questions and Discussion
- What do the following verses say about the relationship of our love for God and our brother? 1 John 4:7-8, 11-13, 16, 20-21
- What do these Scriptures tell us about God speaking the love language of words of affirmation? 2 Timothy 3:16; Genesis 1:26; 1 Peter 2:9; 3 John 1:2
- What should be our response to Him? Psalm 34:1-3; 75:1; 111:1 In what ways can we speak this language of love to our family members and others? Ephesians 4:29; Proverbs 12:25; 15:23; 16:24
Note that the opposite of speaking words of affirmation would be criticism, accusation, denigration and other forms of verbal abuse. It is unfortunate that we sometimes find it easier to speak the language of hatred than the language of love. - Describe how God is speaking the love language of quality time in these Scriptures? Isaiah 43:1-2; Matthew 11:28; Revelation 3:20 How can we speak this love language back to Him? Psalm 42:1-2
- Consider Deuteronomy 6:7 and Deuteronomy 24:5. What are some practical ways we can speak the language of quality time to our spouses and children?
- What are some of the threats to expressing the love language of quality time with our family members? How should we guard against these threats? Genesis 2:24; 1 Peter 3:7